Psychology of Genealogy
This post is very different from my usual, but I felt inspired to write about a sensitive subject that I think affects more families than what people would like to admit or even realize.
I frequently listen to a genealogy podcast called Genealogy Gems by Lisa Louise Cooke. She had a psychologist on as a guest speaker to talk about the psychology of genealogy. They first talked about feeling like having a spiritual and deeper connection to ancestors after researching them. This is something I definitely feel. I have always felt close to my family. Learning their stories, why they made the choices they did, what affected their everyday lives, has brought me even closer to my family. I love knowing what led to my existence today, and knowing that one little change, one different decision by even just one of my hundreds of ancestors would mean I would not be here today. The rest of the podcast talked about how what our ancestors have been through bleeds into the following generations, and knowing what our ancestors have overcome may help look at them differently. Lisa spoke of her grandpa as being a hard, quiet man. He wasn't the "teddy bear grandpa". But after doing her research, she learned of all the hardships he had been through: depression, war, death. She now looks at him in a different way, knowing what all he overcame to raise the family he did. She can now look at him with respect and a different kind of love. The guest speaker gave an example of instead of saying alcoholism runs in your family, knowing that depression is what runs in the family. The McDaniel line immediately jumped out to me.
I will use James "Jim" McDaniel as my first generation. James was born in 1895 in Douglas County, Missouri. Douglas County is in the Ozark Mountains. The area is mostly farming and mining, under developed, and life was hard.
- May 11, 1916- Courts order Joseph Walker (Jim's maternal uncle) to move his fence on the McDaniel property.
- December 28, 1916- Joe and his two nephews, John and Albert (Jim's brothers), were in an argument about the property line. Joe shot Albert. John in return shot Joe. Joe died at the scene. (Albert is Jim's twin brother. They boys are 21 years old.)
- January 4, 1917- Preliminary trial for John McDaniel starts for killing his uncle Joe.
- April 26, 1917- Albert dies from gangrene from his bullet wound.
- September 27, 1917- John is found guilty of manslaughter.
- September 19, 1918- John is acquitted after a lengthy retrial throughout which many McDaniel family members suffered from smallpox.
- November 13, 1921- Jim married Goldia Fletcher.
- December 20, 1923- Their son Andy is born (my great grandpa).
- August 1924- Goldia's mother, Athelia, dies from tuberculosis.
- November 24, 1924- Goldia dies from tuberculosis. She is only 19 years old.
- ??- Jim marries Hattie Frye.
- January 17, 1929- State vs James McDaniel, possession of liquor.
- April 4, 1929- State vs James McDaniel, possession of liquor.
- September 16, 1929- Twin sons Roy and Ray are born. Ray dies by the end of 1929. Roy dies April 14, 1931.
- December 11, 1930- James McDaniel, possession of liquor.
- May 26, 1931- Jim's father Nathan dies from cancer. This is five days before Jim's birthday.
- July 25, 1933- Jim's mother Missouri dies.
- January 3, 1935- Jim's brother Oscar is shot and killed over a dispute at the McDaniel family farm.
- January 3, 1935- Jim's sister Lundy drops dead of a heart attack at Oscar's funeral.
- Sometime in 1941- Hattie runs off from the family, leaving Jim to raise the remaining kids. Stories from the family say that Jim would often take the kids' money, that he was "a rough man who liked to drink".
-March 22, 1942- Jim's son Bobbie dies at age 10.
-May 25, 1958- Jim's son Garmon dies at age 20. Garmon was deaf and family rumors say that he suffered from mental retardation.
I think about everything Jim had gone through between his siblings, his wives, and his own children. I see where the alcohol played into the timeline. Hearing the stories of him being a rough man and him taking the kids' money, but also knowing that he was raising a little less than a dozen children on his own. I'm not saying it's an excuse, but it puts things into perspective. Then I think about how that affected my great grandpa, Andy. It must have been hard to never have known his mother. He always knew Hattie was not his mom. I wonder if she treated him the same as her own children. I wonder what he thought when she ran off and he lost a second mother. By this time, he was most likely out of the house, but I'm sure he worried about his siblings. I know that Jim and Andy must have had a strained relationship because of the loss, the grief, and the alcohol. My Papa Andy joined the Navy and seemed to move to Mississippi the first chance he got. I know he frequently visited his siblings, but I've never heard stories about what he thought about his father. When Papa Andy was in the Navy, he would frequently get promoted, but quickly demoted after another bar fight. Papa Andy married Eleanor (Granny) in 1945. By the mid 1960's, they had divorced. Was this because of his drinking, which was most likely a result from his loss during his childhood?
Papa Andy and Granny's divorce affected their two children, as any divorce would. My grandpa Ronnie loves his parents very much, and thankfully Papa Andy and Granny stayed close and tried to remain a family. Despite this, Papa Ronnie was no stranger to alcoholism either. He worked construction and was frequently on the road and away from family as well. Alcohol and tempers didn't mix. Papa Ronnie and my grandma Debbie divorced when my dad was just beginning high school. He eventually moved to Arizona. My dad and Papa Ronnie have many issues with their relationship, which I think a lot of stems from the divorce. My grandma remarried and moved to Indiana, and my dad eventually followed along.
The distance between the generations, Missouri, Mississippi, Indiana, does not help to mend the emotional bridges. No one can resolve their conflicts with the distance. My parents also divorced. I know this has caused a lot of emotional scars with us as well. My brothers have a lot of unresolved issues with my dad now too. Still today, every single one of these affected men have strained relationships.
I'm not saying this is excusing anyone's behavior and actions. But knowing what Jim went through, seeing it affect the next generation, whose actions then affect the next generation, and so on and so forth....It is very eye opening. I hope that knowing these things and facing them up front can help everyone heal and move on. I hope that this 'McDaniel curse', as I like to call it, can be broken.
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